


understanding

by mumblingmaria



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 22:43:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13397820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblingmaria/pseuds/mumblingmaria
Summary: A few days after returning from Tatooine, Ezra finds himself a little off balance. Avoiding all the chaos around the base as the rebels prepare for their attack to free Lothal finally, Ezra goes and seeks a little comfort from Sabine.





	understanding

**Author's Note:**

> While I was at work the other day I found myself wondering if Ezra contacted Sabine to let her know about him running off to Tatooine. Whether or not he did, I wanted to write that conversation. So here's just a little thing, sweet and short (I can't believe I actually managed to write something shorter than 2000 words) to explore that idea and to explore their brother/sister like dynamic. I hope you guys enjoy it.

Chopper Base was quiet but filled with anticipation. All around, people fed up with the Empire were preparing for the attack on Lothal. Any day now they were going to be told to gear up. The energy coursing through was enough to excite even the most reluctant (though AP-5 claimed he felt nothing but frustration since this excitement meant people weren’t putting things back where they belonged).

Ezra could feel the excitement, it was contagious. It was his own. But he also felt something holding him back. A part of him was terrified for what this assault would mean for Lothal, for his family, for him. All day, ever since he saw ammunitions being set aside for all the starfighters, this worry had been settling in.

“I should meditate,” he muttered to himself. But not right now.

He sat down in the pilot seat of the _Ghost_ , turning the chair back and forth slightly. He always felt a little weird sitting in Hera’s seat. He pushed a few buttons on the console and waited for confirmation his transmission was being sent out. It was easier to have a private conversation in the cockpit than asking everyone to stay out of the common area. And it’s not private if Chopper is the relay for the conversation.

He started to spin the chair all the way around just as a hologram appeared. A brief worry that it was the middle of the night on Krownest set in him but that didn’t last long; he wouldn’t have gotten an answer if it were. Ezra quickly finished the rotation and found a translucent blue Sabine offering him an amused smile.

“Hey,” he said. He grinned at her and readjusted in the seat. “I hope I’m not bothering you. It’s not too late, right?”

“No, you’re good,” she answered. Her smile warmed and the image of her shifted. “I’ve got some time. I’m assuming everything is fine since it’s you here and not Hera.”

Ezra shrugged. “The base is a bit hectic, we’re going to be heading to Lothal any day now. Things are pretty okay.”

“Ezra, that’s great!” Sabine said. She was beaming.

He shrugged again but there was a smile on his face. “Yeah, it is. It feels a little weird, we’ve been working so hard to get here.”

He looked past the hologram at the base outside. He could see the gauntlet easily from the _Ghost_. Ezra frowned. It had been a few days now and he still wasn’t comfortable seeing the ship on the base. He turned his attention back to Sabine, who was giving him the look she always gave him when she knew he was hiding something. Instead of giving her the chance to start asking questions, he asked, “How are things with your family? Enjoying having a brother again? Or, you know, not enjoying it? That’s a possibility, too.”

Sabine rolled her eyes, maybe a little too obviously, and said, “Things are good. We’re still working on me being here, but it’s good. And, yeah, I am enjoying have a brother again. Thank you for asking.”

Pursing his lips, he nodded. He was happy that things were going well for her and her family, he just wasn’t that big on Tristan. She had assured him that her brother was great once you got to know him, just like all brothers were. Ezra wasn’t totally sure what she had meant by that. But he was happy.

“Ezra, what’s bothering you?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” He sat up a little straighter. He didn’t think Sabine was asking to hear about his worries for Lothal, that wasn’t anything new or unreasonable. It wasn’t worth getting into. After another glance out the viewport, Ezra sighed. Right, Lothal wasn’t the problem.

“This doesn’t feel like your normal social call,” she added. “You seem different. A little off.”

Scuffing his foot against the floor, Ezra said, “A couple days ago, I sort of… I left.” He looked at Sabine and wished, not for the first time, that she was actually here. It was always easier to talk face to face, not through a hologram. “Maul had sent me a message and I just left. I went after him.”

“Maul?”

“Yeah,” he said. She didn’t say more. There were no more leading questions. It was clear that this wasn’t what she had been expecting; she was going to let him continue on at his own pace. “His message made it seem like he had found Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and I just panicked. I was so scared I had led Maul to Master Kenobi. All I could think was that I had to fix what I had caused. So I went to stop him. I ran off.”

“Where was he?”

“Tatooine.”

“That’s out there,” Sabine whispered. Her hologram fluttered out of focus for a moment but then she was back. Waiting for more.

But now he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t tell her about Master Kenobi being alive. He understood now that there was a reason this Jedi Master was outside of the main action in the galaxy. He couldn’t bring attention to that more than he already had. He couldn’t tell her anything that had actually happened. He didn’t want to lie, though. The others hadn’t asked what had happened, understanding that it was bigger than just a boy running off and some things were better left unsaid. But Sabine hadn’t been here, she missed the whole event.

“So, what happened?”

“Nothing,” he lied. “When I got there, Maul was already dead. I found his body in the middle of the desert. He was alone. He died alone.”

“Ezra…”

“He was chasing after a ghost and I got caught up in that. I realized that… I realized that I was making a mistake. I should have realized it sooner; Maul wasn’t my responsibility. My family, Lothal, those are what need me. And I almost threw it all away chasing my own ghost.”

Neither of them spoke for a while. They both let the weight of his words settle around them. It was a lie, but there was truth in it. Ezra was grateful to be able to tell Sabine that much, at least. And that she was able to listen to him.

Sabine glanced over her shoulder, nodded, and then looked back at Ezra. “Are you okay?” she asked, leaning forward.

“Yeah, I am,” Ezra answered, these words completely honest. He swivelled the chair back and forth for a moment, looking around the cockpit. “I am. I sort of feel like I can breathe again, if that makes any sense.”

“It does,” she said. Ezra looked back at her. Understanding was written all over her face. Of course it made sense to her after everything with her family and starting to let go of the pain that had had a hold on her. Sabine knew, on some level, what this felt like.

“Thanks,” he whispered.

“Anytime, Ezra.”

The distance was hard. Every day that passed made it seem like he was never going to spend time with her again. There was so much lost now with what felt like the entire galaxy between them now. Ezra missed spending his downtime with her. He missed talking about art with her (or, rather, he missed trying to talk about with her, he could never keep up). He missed training with her, even if that had just been a new and short lived practice. He missed teasing her and being teased.

“I miss you,” he said quietly, avoiding her gaze now.

“Well, if these rebellions could just pick up the pace, then that wouldn’t be a problem anymore. I’ll speed up things for Mandalore if you speed up stuff with Lothal. Deal?”

Ezra looked up at her and was met with her grinning face. Before he knew it, they were both laughing. It felt good to laugh.

“Yeah,” he said, once he had calmed down some, “I’ll get on that.”

He missed her. But he could contact her whenever there was time. And just because today Sabine wasn’t here didn’t meant that in a week, a month, a year, she wouldn’t be.

“I should get going,” Ezra said. He sat up in his sit, getting ready to end the transmission. “I want to go meditate with Kanan before it gets late. And you probably have stuff to get to.”

“I do,” she said with a sigh. Sabine readjusted on her end, clearly also getting ready to end the conversation. After a moment, she added, “I miss you, too, Ezra.”

He nodded. “I’ll let you know once we’ve freed Lothal.”

“You better. See you around.”

And then she was gone. With a final spin in the captain’s chair, Ezra made his leave of the cockpit. A smile was tugging at his lips, small but easy to wear. He began his search of Kanan, wondering if there was anywhere quiet for them to even go to so they could meditate.

Tomorrow was another day closer to the end of all the conflicts the galaxy was facing. Ezra sometimes felt like there were conflicts being thrown at him just him, more than at anyone else in the galaxy. That weight was almost unbearable at time, crushing and debilitating. He knew just how close he had been to letting that self-imposed weight destroy him. But he had his family. He knew that, knew it completely now. He was always going to have his family. 

He stepped off of the _Ghost_ , his smile still on his face.


End file.
